Thoughts and ideas about patterns.
In the ideal world, when we become aware of a need to act - we would proceed to act decisively, compassionately and mindfully, even as we eagerly step into the unknowns of our experiences.
For many of us this is often not the case. When we go into action it can be far from decisive.
Acquired patterns of reactivity may influence how we take action. Our actions may be governed by primitive pattern mechanisms designed for ensuring survival in pre-historic times or for automating repetitive tasks.
Each one of us approach events in a unique way - especially the big, important steps in our lives - in our jobs, relationships, business endeavors and so forth. These big steps can become challenging when we recreate the pain, resistance to action or obstructions we encountered during our past experiences.
Becoming aware of our patterns, understanding them and gaining insight about them, may enable us to dissolve or guide our patterns towards becoming more useful.
Try to notice any patterns, here are some examples:
• Eager for the experience or resisting
• Jumping in or getting stuck
• Independent action or needing assistance
• Being willing or unwilling
• Present or going into a state of absence
• Hesitation, reluctance, impulsivity
• Not applying ourselves methodically
• Taking the lead or being a follower
• Doing things last minute or pacing ourselves
• Confidence, anxiety or overwhelming panic
• Blaming, criticising, judging, or exploding
• Needing circumstances to coax us into action
• Resisting information telling us to take action
• Uncertain about what we want or how to get it
• Remaining in an uncomfortable situation
• Feeling disconnected to an experience
• Feeling unable to do it ourselves
• Relying on outside intervention
• Expecting others to help us
• Feeling separated from society
• Trying to fill a void we feel
• Feeling emotionally spent
• Trying to create safety
• Feeling spaced out
• Feeling pressured
• Feeling helpless
• Lacking clarity
• Getting stuck
All the old, unhelpful patterns we uncover have potential for being transformed when we shed the spotlight of mindfulness on them, paying attention to what we notice, what we feel, accepting the feelings non-judgmentally. Letting thoughts go, without getting into the story lines. This work is very rewarding and is like removing a ton of weight from one’s shoulders.
Remember: When we choose compassion over ‘survival of the fittest’ or being right or being better - we can connect with each other a lot more readily. This means using judgements to understand our needs and find the strategies to meet our needs in a way that will ensure a win-win situation for everyone involved.